At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
