I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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