Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
