She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
