Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
