do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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