We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize