I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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