You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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