Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
