You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
