it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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