Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
