id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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