if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
