I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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