i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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