Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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