I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
