Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
