i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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