More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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