'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
