i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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