allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
