bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
