I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
