so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
