Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
