HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize