dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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