I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
