Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
