I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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