So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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