Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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