But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
