Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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