having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
