The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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