sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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