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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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