Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
