and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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