Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
