Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dick very happy bro
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
