Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
