We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
