Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize