Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize