Fine. I'll sleep in my office
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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