i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
