my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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