So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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