i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
