Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
