My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
