a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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