YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
