if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
