Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize