I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
