And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
