I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
