He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
