yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
