Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
