A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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